Ah Ma's funeral & cremation

The funeral has finally ended.

It's been an exhausting 5 days and 4 nights for all of us. Just woke up 20 minutes ago at 11.55pm, and this all still seems like a dream. As I type this entry, my family and our visitors from Malaysia are all sound asleep. Not sure if they have had dinner yet.

Tried my best to spend as much time as I could with Mama's body last night before the cremation. The thing is she looks so much like she is just asleep. In what limited funerals and wakes I have been to, the body tends to look it's been overly made-up, bloated, or both. Mama looked a little bit puffy, but other than that, looked just like herself.

There's nothing I can say within a eulogy that will do my grandma justice. But thanks all the same to those who gave me their kind words after mass. For those who couldn't make it for the funeral, here's the transcription:

Eulogy for Ah Ma

I’ve been writing and rewriting this eulogy for the past 3 days & nights, trying to make it good enough for someone who is so important to so many people. But last night, someone told me: We don’t really need the words. If you just close your eyes and let your mind recall the times you’ve had with my grandma, her voice, her touch, her smile, her cooking, she will continue to live on in your heart.

Theresa Teo Ah Choo was born some 94 years ago and has 2 children (Chye Huat/Lawrence & Hee Huat/David), a daughter-in-law, Monica, and 2 grandchildren (Julian & Joanne). However, as you can see from the number gathered here today, her influence reaches far beyond just my family.

I’ve been spoilt for the past 28 years, never having to step out of the house during the 1st day of Chinese New Year, since most of you would be piling into my house to visit ah ma. Mama really looked forward to this every year, because in the last 2 years or so, she was wrapping ang pows daily, thinking it was Chinese New Year. I can’t imagine what future new years will be like, now that she isn’t physically around.

Look around you today, and you’ll find that many of those gathered here today have been taken care of, at some point in their lives, by the lady we gather here today to honor. Ask any one of these lucky people who were blessed enough to know her, and they will tell you wonderful stories of how good she was to them. Just in the past few days alone, I have heard stories of sneaking into the house late at night after being locked out, flying milk bottles, and naked little boys pretending to be wayang performers. And they call young people these days havoc! Back in those days, you didn't need child care centres, all you needed was my grandma.

But no matter how naughty all of you were, or still are, mama still loves all of you like her own flesh and blood. She is proud of each and every one of you. So bring up your own children, and grandchildren well, and be proud of them. That will be a fitting tribute to my grandma, who we all miss dearly.

Do not grieve for mama, for she is in a better place. She was a pale shadow of herself in recent years, as those of you who visited during Chinese New Year would know. Rather than being sad about her passing on, be grateful that god has taken her to a happy place, to have a well-deserved rest and reward after so many years of looking after us. Most of mama’s friends and close relatives from her generation have already moved on, and I am sure they’re all up there having a wonderful reunion.

If you're wondering how to live to the ripe old age of 94, here are some lessons I picked up from Mama that might help.

1) Show concern for others

Mama always asks, “jiak ba buay?”. And always follow up with “ka meh ke jiak” if the person you’re asking hasn’t eaten. Better yet, offer to buy the person a meal.

2) Show gratitude

Whenever someone does something for you, say thank you / “kam sia”

3) Don’t be too fussy, especially when it comes to food

There’s nothing that a little "jio cheng" (light soy sauce) or "tau yew" (dark soy sauce) can’t fix.

4) Be independent

Despite her frailty, mama still was determined to wash her own dishes, and bathe herself, much to our distress.

Finally, …. 5) Don’t stay out too late

"Mai kak am tng lai".

As for the smoking part, I'll leave that up to you.

For those who have made the trip from Malaysia, like Aunty Gladys, Uncle Ken, Uncle Raymond, Aunty Rose, and Uncle Francis, we are thankful for your presence here today.

Finally, thanks to all of you who have helped us take care of mama in her twilight years, and in the past few days during her wake, especially Uncle Fatty, Ah Soh, Korkor Eugene, and Ah Hwa chey chey. On behalf of mama and my family, we thank you.

"Ah Ma, wa nang nong zong dua han liao. Ler meng dan xin.
Kam Sia ler. Man Kia."

Thanks to all who have given me and my family encouragement.

I love my ah ma!